Depression

The clouds are heavy. They weigh. They darken. They can’t be seen, but they are felt. Oh, how they are felt. A weight that won’t lift. A darkness that won’t brighten. Artificial light, that is the solution. That is their solution. And sadly that is my solution. The clouds cover the mountains before me. They tear mountains down and crumble their very existence. I am a mountain, I am covered, I am torn, I am crumbling. But artificial light that is the answer. Another sleepless night. As the night comes to an end my thoughts polluting my mind I am lost in memories and time. My despair is overwhelming coming undone I’m completely numb. Suffocating in my sadness, drowning in my pain. I feel so empty and hollow I reflect on images of sorrows past. Consumed with madness gasping for air fading into black. I stand alone inside, blinded by tears I can’t hide. This agony I carry inside, my broken soul has died. Does anyone else feel like this? Can anyone understand my demise? Don’t try to look for answers in my eyes as they will deceive you and reflect lies. Have you ever felt so alone when you look around you there is nothing and no one to tell you hey I am here? To live in darkness even in light your blinded because nothing is in sight. And your thoughts smothering you drowning your will to fly. And you scream inside as you silently weep and cry. And every ounce of your soul feeling nothing more than just to die. And you struggle and fight this war you have inside. And all your demons killing you slowly as days and nights go by. These are my dark days that follows into nights. Fighting each new day to overcome this dark place. Can anyone hear me!? Does anyone understand this? I can’t explain it anymore at hand I can’t put my finger on it to comprehend. Good night this is the end as my Mind Whispers “You’ll ruin your life if you start”, as my hand picks up the cutter I always bring, I pray a silent unheard prayer as I shut out the buzzing of spring and slice. “This is stupid! You need to stop!” My mind whispers, as I drag the blade across my arm yet again, watching red start to stain silver as I try not to hiss in pain.